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Monday, August 3, 2020
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Parents Toolshop
Parents Toolshop

Archive for the ‘ Parenting ’ Category

Is Time Out An Effective Child Discipline Tool For Handling Misbehavior?

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IS TIME OUT AN EFFECTIVE CHILD DISCIPLINE TOOL FOR HANDLING MISBEHAVIOR? Alice is four years old.  When her two-year-old brother won’t share a toy she wants, she pulls his hair.  Alice is sent to time out.  She starts having a tantrum and says, “I wanted that toy and he wouldn’t give it to me.”  The parent says, “Well, pulling hair is not how to ask for a toy you want.  Go to the corner for time out and think about how mean you were.” What will happen next?  Will Alice calm down or get more upset?  Will she sit in the corner and think about how it wasn’t nice to pull her brother’s... (Read More ...)

Is There a Drama King or Queen in Your House? How to Respond Helpfully When Handling Children’s Negative Emotions, Feelings and Temper Tantrums

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Is There a Drama King or Queen in Your House? How to Respond Helpfully When Handling Children’s Negative Emotions, Feelings and Temper Tantrums     Pat is what most parents would call a Drama Queen or Drama King. Whenever something happens, Pat’s reaction is always over-the-top. It’s so that Pat’s parents feel a need to calm Pat down by saying, “Come on, it’s not that bad,” or “Don’t get so upset.” Over time, they just stop paying attention at all. None of these responses really “work.” In fact, Pat seems to escalate no matter what the parents do. So Pat’s parents... (Read More ...)

GETTING BACK TALK? LET’S TALK! How to Handle Disrespectful Children

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GETTING BACK TALK? LET’S TALK! How to Handle Disrespectful Children     Alicia posted this request in her moms’ group discussion forum: “My 8 year old is starting to talk back frequently and is very disrespectful. I am trying to figure out what would be a consequence for back talk, but I can’t think of anything! (Besides a time-out or send to his room.)”   Half a dozen moms chimed in, “I know, my child does that, too, and it drives me crazy!” Some of the parents have toddlers, some have school-aged children, and some have teens. They asked how to discipline it,... (Read More ...)

BEDTIME IS A NIGHTMARE . . . HELP! TIPS FOR MAKING BEDTIME PEACEFUL

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BEDTIME IS A NIGHTMARE . . . HELP! TIPS FOR MAKING BEDTIME PEACEFUL My three-year-old son is very active and gets more so around bedtime. We have a bedtime routine that begins at 8:30 p.m. and includes a bath, healthy snack, storytelling, teeth-brushing and three books. After I turn out the lights, I sit by the bed until he falls asleep. Otherwise he will jump up and follow me, making a game out of us chasing him. When he does, I bring him back to bed, tell him he doesn’t have to go to sleep but he must stay in his room. Most nights I lie next to him and hold him so he can’t get up.... (Read More ...)

Why Kids Do What You Tell Them Not to Do. How to Prevent Defiant Children, Power Struggles and Tantrums

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The “Before” Story always sounds like this: My kids have been doing [you name it] for years. I constantly tell them “don’t,” “stop” or “quit doing that”. I’ve told them a million times and they still do it! I don’t know if they are defiant children, but I’m tired of the power struggles and handling tantrums. The “After” Story always sounds like this: I used this tool one time and they did what I wanted them to do, the first time I asked, and I never had that problem again. Now I use it all the time and it works every time the first time! When you see your children... (Read More ...)

Sibling Relationships and How to Avoid Sibling Rivalry

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Sibling Relationships and How to Avoid Sibling Rivalry Question: I know it’s normal for kids to fight, but their fighting drives me crazy! It seems that it’s become a habit to get a rise out of each other. I’m tired of reprimanding them, separating them and even taking away toys. This seems to work temporarily, but the behavior persists. How can I respond more effectively so I can live in peace again? Response: I’m sure many parents can relate to your situation. The only thing more uncomfortable than being in a conflict is being around one! Some parents “let kids... (Read More ...)

USING BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION TECHNIQUES: Behavior Charts, Incentives, Stickers, Tokens. Should I Use Them? If So, How?

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USING BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION TECHNIQUES Behavior Charts, Incentives, Stickers, and Tokens.  Should I Use Them? If So, How? Many professionals who dispense parenting advice tell parents to use rewards or create “behavior modification” token systems to teach children a skill, to get children to take on a responsibility, or to curb an unwanted behavior or habit. Often, however, rewarding good behavior with behavior charts has the same effect as bribery. Long-term studies of work incentives, behavior management programs for children, weight loss and stop smoking plans have all found similar,... (Read More ...)

PUNISHING VS. DISCIPLINING CHILDREN

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PUNISHING VS. DISCIPLINING CHILDREN Disciplining children is different from punishing them because it teaches children to learn from their mistakes rather than making them suffer for them. In fact, imposing suffering actually shifts the focus from the lesson that needs to be learned to who is in control. As a result, punishment focuses on the parent being responsible for controlling a child’s behavior, rather than the child controlling his/her own behavior, which is the focus of discipline. In Positive Discipline, Jane Nelsen offers guidelines for using consequences, which she calls the... (Read More ...)

Praise for Parents

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  Praise for Parents “Of all the jobs and professions in the world, parenting is the most important, difficult, and potentially rewarding. It is the only job that never ends; we are parents 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 12 months a year, every year. Even when children are adults, we are still their parent. We don’t make money by having children; we spend it. Our paychecks can’t be measured by material standards; they are hugs, thank-you’s, smiles, and seeing our child grow and mature.” – – Excerpt from The Parent’s Toolshop Parenting advice usually... (Read More ...)

How to Build Teamwork When You And Your Partner Have Different Parenting Styles

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How To Build Teamwork When You And Your Partner Have Different Parenting Styles Many of us have a variety of parenting partners: spouses, ex-spouses, teachers, day care workers, relatives, friends and neighbors. Each partner can have a parenting style that differs from ours. When parenting styles clash, parents may overreact, interfere or try to change the partner. Parents may also try to compensate for the imbalances of the other by being more extreme. This damages parenting partnerships, confuses children and teaches them how to manipulate better.  Learning how to cope with different parenting... (Read More ...)