Chapter 29: Recap of The Discipline Toolset
Chapters 27-28 gave you the tools to use in the last step of the PASRR Formula: Reveal discipline. When you master using those tools, you will:
- Have children who take the initiative to fix their mistakes. In fact, children will have often already taken care of a problem before you even know there is one — now that’s self-discipline!
- Have children who admit they are wrong and seek out ways to make things right.
- Have children who have a sense of fairness and impose discipline or restrictions on themselves.
- Avoid accidentally escalating a situation by disciplining too soon or too harshly.
- Avoid using discipline inappropriately or in unhealthy ways, which turns it into punishment and has negative long-term side effects.
- Eliminate problem behavior by using discipline to teach.
- Have children who are self-controlled, self-disciplined and self-responsible. You no longer struggle to control your children — your children control themselves!
- Feel better about yourself when you discipline, because you don’t have to be the “bad guy.”
- Discipline in ways that make sense to children, so they learn faster and don’t resent you.
- Discipline so respectfully, children don’t feel humiliated or shameful, don’t think you are just “being mean,” don’t seek revenge, and “get” the lesson, usually the first time.
- Have children who understand their behavior is their choice and accept responsibility and accountability for the outcomes of their behavior choices.
- Avoid threatening punishment you can’t enforce. (Ever try to make a child sleep?)
- Use the same discipline tools throughout your child’s life. You don’t have to change when the child is older, is tough enough to take whatever punishment you can dish out, figures out loopholes or decides if they are “willing to do the time, it’s okay to do the crime.”
- Avoid common, but less effective, forms of punishment and know how to tweak often-misused tools, like time outs and restrictions, to be consistently effective.
- Have children who are self-disciplined, self-responsible and self-motivated — whether an authority figure is present or not!
So take today to practice those skills.
1) You’ve now finished learning all the core tools in The Universal Blueprint® Parenting Success Formula, so it’s time to pull them all together and see how you can plan an effective response to any problem. Just print out a copy of the Decision-Making Worksheet, pick a challenge you’d like a helpful response.
a) Identify what type of problem it is. That will determine which of the PASRR steps you take.
b) At each step, choose the tool(s) that fit the situation, your child’s needs or your values the best.
c) Post your experience in the comment section or hop onto a Gold call to get support on how to use the form.
Post your answers to the following three questions as they relate to the Misbehavior and Discipline in the comment section:
a) What did you learn?
b) What action did you take?
c) What results did you get?
We’ll reconnect in chapter 30 with a look at the six reasons even effective parenting skills might not work.