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Monday, December 18, 2017
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Parents Toolshop
Parents Toolshop

Glossary

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Explodes at targets, hurting people physically or emotionally.


Also see: Behavior modification

Being firm, but not kind. Speakers uphold their rights in ways that violate the listeners
Also see: Behavior modification

Children who practice several different new skills at once.


Also see: Learning styles

Children who practice skills in only one area at a time, adding new skills to the ones they
Also see: Learning styles

A sum of money given for the purpose of teaching children and teenagers money management skills. When associated with chores, problems can arise.

A sum of money given for the purpose of teaching children and teenagers money management skills. When associated with chores, problems can arise.

A sum of money given for the purpose of teaching children and teenagers money management skills. When associated with chores, problems can arise.

Being honest about feelings without hurting others.


Also see: Behavior modification

Being kind and firm. It upholds the speaker
Also see: Clear Communication Toolset

Another name for an Over-controlling parenting style.


Also see: Over-controlling parenting style, Parenting style

The most extreme type of under-controlling parenting style, characterized by an apathetic lack of interest and follow through. Its most extreme form is neglectful.


Also see: Parenting style, Under-controlling parenting style:

Brainstorm ideas, Evaluate options, Decide and plan a solution.


Also see: Behavior modification, Parenting style

As children increase their skills, parents expand the limits, staying one step ahead. Children can handle the freedom responsibly.


Also see: Balanced independence, Parenting style

A general parenting style that offers limited choices, uses respectful, reasonable parenting techniques, and has positive long-term results.


Also see: Parenting style

Programs that reward subjects for desired behavior and withhold rewards or impose punishments for undesirable behavior. These methods are also called behavior charts, star/ sticker charts, and incentive programs.
Also see: Parenting style

Blaming others for power or revenge, rather than focusing on solutions. The blame game is addictive and escalates into intense defensiveness and revengeful blame cycles.


Also see: Behavior modification

The basic limits, the minimum that must occur, or the least to settle for. There are usually more choices within bottom-line limits.


Also see: Behavior modification, Parenting style

A tempting reward, designed to manipulate or influence someone to take a particular action. The focus is on external payoffs, instead of the value of the rule or request.


Also see: Parenting style

People who are addicted to bribes and only do something if they get a reward.


Also see: Learning styles

The child has a problem that does not directly affect or concern the parent.


Also see: Child Problem Toolbox

C/P

Part Child problem and part Parent problem that does not involve problem behavior.


Also see: C (Child problem), P (Parent problem)

Part Child problem, part Parent problem involving On purpose misbehavior.


Also see: Behavior modification

Part Child problem, part Parent problem in-volving Unintentional misbehavior.


Also see: Behavior modification

Contains the tool sets to use when others have problems.


Also see: Behavior modification

Making tasks or items more appealing to children, by using creative names for items or making tasks easier for children.


Also see: Parenting style

Contains the tools for sharing feelings and concerns in simple, clear, respectful, and assertive ways.


Also see: Behavior modification

Apologizing for the way one expresses a valid reason for being upset.


Also see: Learning styles

People who want to reach solutions quickly and logically.


Also see: Parenting style

Thinking together about a solution and discussing the matter until all agree on a plan.


Also see: Behavior modification

Staying with a plan or getting back on track when we stray.
Also see: Family goals

Doesn
Also see: Double messages

Begin to say one thing, but end up saying the opposite.


Also see: Double messages

Working together as a team toward win/win solutions. Team leaders focus on the value of the request or rule and offer choices within reasonable limits. People are self-motivated to cooperate for the internal payoffs received.


Also see: Parenting style

Contains tools that emphasize teamwork and promote cooperation, rather than demanding blind obedience.


Also see: Parenting style

Describe instead of labeling, focus on child
Also see: Parenting style

your response to someone criticizing your parenting style

Having to be around people who are hard to get along with because of their personality or because they like to criticize, complain or control.

Defiant children are boldly resistant.  For instance, defiant children will outwardly challenge parental authority and instead of using effective communication skills to express themselves, they tend to back talk. Defiant children may also be described as insubordinate, rebellious, insolent or daring, disrespectful.  Following the Universal Blueprint® (UB)for building healthy relationships will help you overcome and even prevent the challenge of dealing with defiant children.  Take the 30-Days To Parenting Success course to learn how to apply the UB in your relationship with your children.
Also see: Power-and-control children, Trigger buttons:, PO (Parent problem, On purpose" misbehavior)", PO (Parent problem, On purpose misbehavior)""

Defiant children are boldly resistant.  For instance, defiant children will outwardly challenge parental authority and instead of using effective communication skills to express themselves, they tend to back talk. Defiant children may also be described as insubordinate, rebellious, insolent or daring, disrespectful.  Following the Universal Blueprint® (UB)for building healthy relationships will help you overcome and even prevent the challenge of dealing with defiant children.  Take the 30-Days To Parenting Success course to learn how to apply the UB in your relationship with your children.
Also see: Power-and-control children, Trigger buttons:, PO (Parent problem, On purpose" misbehavior)", PO (Parent problem, On purpose misbehavior)""

Obeying a command in a hurtful or aggressive way.


Also see: PO (Parent problem, On purpose misbehavior)""

Describing children
Also see: Parenting style

Children who function below what is considered
Also see: Learning styles

Contains the tools for helping children learn from their mistakes (discipline), rather than making them suffer for their mistakes (punishment).


Also see: Parenting style

Avoiding the word “don’t,” by describing the behavior you want to see.   This skill is in the Prevention Toolbox


Also see: Parenting style, Prevention Toolbox

Sending two inconsistent messages.


Also see: Behavior modification

Rules that apply to children, but not to parents. Children usually follow the parents
Also see: Parenting style

The excitement of fooling someone.


Also see: C (Child problem)

Believing we are better than others. People compete with others, trying to be the best or always win.


Also see: Power-and-control children

Descriptive, non-judgmental comments that cause others to say positive things to themselves.


Also see: Parenting style

People who work out their problems with others.


Also see: Learning styles

People who draw their energy from the world around them. They need to interact with other people or activities to get energy, calm down, or work through problems.


Also see: Learning styles

Focus on feelings, Ask helpful questions, and X-amine possible solutions.


Also see: Parenting style

Contains tools that open the door to communication and acknowledge others
Also see: Parenting style

Contains tools for holding regularly scheduled family get-togethers to build self-esteem, discuss issues, make decisions, and solve problems that affect the family.


Also see: Family goals

when extended family members get together. Usually for a celebration or holiday.

The qualities we want our family to have.


Also see: Parenting style

Anger caused by events that push an emotional trigger button that sets off a sudden eruption.


Also see: Behavior modification

The beliefs and attitudes that affect our parenting style.


Also see: Parenting style

Handling Temper Tantrums is the process and steps you take to prevent or diffuse sudden emotional outbursts.  If you us an ineffective tool for handling temper tantrums the situation will escalate.  To know the best tool for handling temper tantrums so the situation is diffused quickly, you must first figure out which of the four types of tantrums your child is experiencing.
Also see: Child Problem Toolbox, F-A-X Listening process, Flash fires, Smoldering embers:

Handling Temper Tantrums is the process and steps you take to prevent or diffuse sudden emotional outbursts.  If you us an ineffective tool for handling temper tantrums the situation will escalate.  To know the best tool for handling temper tantrums so the situation is diffused quickly, you must first figure out which of the four types of tantrums your child is experiencing.
Also see: Child Problem Toolbox, F-A-X Listening process, Flash fires, Smoldering embers:

Doing one
Also see: Parenting style

A self-imposed feeling of regret that does not reduce one
Also see: Behavior modification

Becoming aware of one
Also see: Behavior modification

An inner sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that is not boastful or conceited.


Also see: Behavior modification

A list of tasks that need to be done for the day to day operation of a family. Examples are making one's bed, picking up toys and washing dishes.

A list of tasks that need to be done for the day to day operation of a family. Examples are making one's bed, picking up toys and washing dishes.

A list of tasks that need to be done for the day to day operation of a family. Examples are making one's bed, picking up toys and washing dishes.

Follow through on discipline as soon as possible, even if it is inconvenient for the child, without adding suffering.


Also see: Parenting style

Children who are afraid that if they choose one thing, they
Also see: Behavior modification

Contains tools that teach children life skills so they can handle more freedom responsibly.


Also see: Parenting style

The skills and qualities we want children to develop.


Also see: Behavior modification

The different personalities and needs of each individual member of each individual family.


Also see: Behavior modification

The natural, necessary process of becoming an individual, with ideas, identity, beliefs, and values all one
Also see: Behavior modification

People who prefer to do their problem solving alone.


Also see: Personality Traits

People who need time to be alone on a regular basis. They go within to regain control or recharge their energy supply.


Also see: Personality Traits

Contains anger and stress management skills both parents and children can use.


Also see: Parenting style

How people learn, remember and recall new information and skills.


Also see: Personality Traits

Contains toolsets that maintain family and personal progress.


Also see: Parenting style

Taking turns, between two people, at each step of problem solving.


Also see: Parenting style

There is no problem or a problem is expected, but has not yet occurred.


Also see: Parenting style

Setting limits with positive words.


Also see: Parenting style

A firm and gentle encouragement to take the next step.


Also see: Parenting style

When an inferior person unquestioningly follows orders or commands from a superior. Superior wins/inferior loses. Motivation is usually from fear, not respect, and there is little or no choice for the inferior. It is a temporary solution that creates resentment and rebellion.


Also see: Parenting style

Making internal (logical or emotional) processes something children can observe, usually by talking our way through the steps we normally take in our mind.


Also see: Parenting style

One parenting partner thinks the other is too strict, so he or she becomes more lenient to counteract the other (or vice versa).


Also see: Parenting style

Children have the skills, but little freedom to use them. Children resent limits and push for more freedom.


Also see: Personality Traits

A general parenting style that uses power tactics to control children
Also see: Autocratic parenting, Parenting style

The less extreme under-controlling parenting style, characterized by doting, rescuing, offering unnecessary service to children, few rules, and even less enforcement.


Also see: Parenting style

The parent is experiencing a problem that does not bother the child. No problem behavior is involved.


Also see: Behavior modification

A low-pressure, nonchalant conversation that occurs during a side-by-side activity with no eye contact.


Also see: Parenting style

Contains the toolsets parents use to respond to problems or concerns that affect them, including misbehavior.


Also see: Parenting style

Inaccurate, but commonly accepted parenting information.


Also see: Parenting style

A general set of beliefs, attitudes, and techniques parents use with their children.


Also see: Behavior modification

Prevent the problem, Acknowledge feelings, Set limits or express concerns, Redirect misbehavior, Reveal discipline.


Also see: Parenting style

Stuffing angry feelings or hinting at them.


Also see: Personality Traits

Being kind, but not firm. Speakers believe their rights are less important than the listeners
Also see: Personality Traits

Hurting others (aggressive) in passive ways.


Also see: Personality Traits

The less extreme type of over-controlling parenting style, characterized by unrealistic expectations, rigid organizational structure, and correcting techniques.


Also see: Parenting style

Another name for Under-controlling parenting style.


Also see: Parenting style, Under-controlling parenting style:

Being responsible for and to oneself.


Also see: Individuation

Personality traits are the distinguishing characteristics of any human being. They are made up of a person's difference or similarity in personality and/or conscious mind. These traits are generally consistent throughout a human's life. Some core personality traits are: honesty, courtesy, responsibility and compatibility.


Also see: Individuation

When both children agree to play rough and no one is getting hurt.


Also see: Behavior modification

The parent has a problem with misbehavior that seems intentional, to serve a purpose.

Misbehavior that results when children mistakenly believe the behavior will help them accomplish a specific purpose. Children are unaware of their subconscious beliefs and behavior choices.


Also see: Personality Traits

Contains tools for identifying and redirecting misbehavior in children who have the skills to behave properly but choose not to.

The most extreme type of over-conrolling parenting style, characterized by harsh, criti-cal, power tactics. Its most extreme form is abusive.


Also see: Parenting style

Power Struggles occur when two people or parties both want to have control over a situation.  During power struggles the parties argue about if something is going to happen or how something is going to be done.   Prevent power struggles by offering choices within your bottom-line limits.
Also see: Bottom line, Clear Communication Toolset, Over-controlling parenting style, Power-and-control children, Power Patrol

Power Struggles occur when two people or parties both want to have control over a situation.  During power struggles the parties argue about if something is going to happen or how something is going to be done.   Prevent power struggles by offering choices within your bottom-line limits.
Also see: Bottom line, Clear Communication Toolset, Over-controlling parenting style, Power-and-control children, Power Patrol

Make children go to a chair, room, or isolated spot every time they misbehave. The parent sets a timer and the parent makes sure the child doesn
Also see: Parenting style

Children who debate and argue, so they can have some power or control in a situation.


Also see: Personality Traits

Comments that use judgmental labels that can accidentally cause discouragement or put negative pressure on others.


Also see: Parenting style

People who must get praise and approval from others to feel good about themselves or who won
Also see: Personality Traits

Contains toolsets that can prevent problems from developing or worsening.


Also see: Parenting style

Contains tools that teach independent, responsible problem-solving and decision-making skills without taking over and solving problems for others.


Also see: Parenting style

Start with the least restriction and increase as the behavior continues.

The parent has a problem with misbehavior that is the result of the child

Contains tools that redirect misbehavior resulting from children

When PU behavior gets a strong reaction, it can change (or mutate) into PO behavior. Because of the reaction, children believe the misbehavior can help them achieve a specific goal.

An unrealistic pressured expectation to reach the final goal all at once.

A reaction to control. Every child individuates, but not all rebel. Individuation turns into rebellion when parents try to control children

When children revert to old, outgrown habits.

Start with the most restrictive but still reasonable limits. If all goes well, the next period is less restrictive, and so on, until all privileges are restored.

The ability to accept the consequences of the choices we make.

When pebbles drop in a pond, the ripples start at the middle and expand outward. When one person in a family changes, it has some effect, usually small at first, but more obvious over time.

One who sets an example.

A regular, consistent way of doing a task or handling a situation.

A form of passive-aggressive anger. It disguises anger, blame, and criticism with humor.


Also see: Passive-Aggressive anger

An emotion that comes after another feeling. The first feeling, which is closer to the real issue, causes the second feeling.

Contains tools that build self-esteem, encourage positive behavior, and stimulate internal motivation.

How we feel about our inside qualities. This includes our worth as a human being, sense of purpose in life, and how lovable we think we are.

What we think about our outside appearance, what we think others see. This includes our looks, talents, popularity, or accomplishments.

The six problem areas that concern parents: Safety, Health, Appropriateness, Rights, Property, Rules, Values.

Slow buildups of stressful situations that eventually spill over or erupt.

Tantrums are uncontrolled outbursts of anger and frustration.  Some people believe young preschool children and tantrums are an inevitable daily combination.  However, it is possible to stop tantrums from escalating and even prevent them so you no longer need to be faced with handling temper tantrums on a regular basis
Also see: Child Problem Toolbox, Flash fires, Smoldering embers:, defiant children

Tantrums are uncontrolled outbursts of anger and frustration.  Some people believe young preschool children and tantrums are an inevitable daily combination.  However, it is possible to stop tantrums from escalating and even prevent them so you no longer need to be faced with handling temper tantrums on a regular basis
Also see: Child Problem Toolbox, Flash fires, Smoldering embers:, defiant children

Telling an adult about another child

Severe teasing that borders on cruelty.

Mean-spirited and hurtful treatment that often involves put-downs or name-calling.

Problems or situations a teenage child has that concerns peers, emotions, siblings or school

Letting an adult know that another child is doing something dangerous or someone is hurt.

Temper Tantrums are emotional outbursts or disruptive behaviors that often occur in response to unmet needs or desires.  Crying, screaming, flailing arms and/or legs and sometimes violent behavior are characteristics of temper tantrums.   To stop and prevent temper tantrums, you must first know the cause of the temper tantrums.  Then you can us the most effective tool to diffuse the temper tantrums or even prevent them from happening again.
Also see: Child Problem Toolbox, Flash fires, Smoldering embers:, defiant children

Temper Tantrums are emotional outbursts or disruptive behaviors that often occur in response to unmet needs or desires.
Also see: Child Problem Toolbox, F-A-X Listening process, Flash fires, Smoldering embers:

Contains tools for maintaining Consistency, handling Criticism, and boosting Confidence.

Group of toolsets that deal with a particular type of problem. Each of the four major steps in the Universal Blueprint contains a toolbox, and each toolbox deals with a different type of problem.

Individual parenting techniques, located within the toolset of the purpose they serve.

Groups of skills that serve a common purpose, located at the appropriate step in which parents use them.

People who are difficult to be around because they are negative and seem to always be complaining or criticizing.

The time between birth (total dependency) and approximately 4 years, when children become physically independent.

Children who are willing to repeatedly try a new skill without getting discouraged.

Conditioned reactions to events, usually due to unresolved childhood issues.

Elementary school-aged children through preteens.

Children have few skills and too much freedom. They can
Also see: Permissive parenting

A general parenting style that offers great freedom to children with few limits and has mostly negative long-term consequences.


Also see: Permissive parenting

Focuses on winning at others

Guilt that causes people to feel they are worthless. It may be imposed by others, to manipulate or control, or be self-imposed.

Thinking we are better than others.

The way individual parents express themselves while using the Universal Blueprint and its tools in individual ways.

A guide for identifying types of problems and planning an effective response to each.

Emotional people who need more time to work through their feelings before thinking logically about solutions.

Children who observe others and practice skills in their minds, until they think they know the skill well enough to perform it well.

Taking a small serving of each food, just to try it.

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